I’ve been feeling strange for a few days now.
To back track a little bit, this feeling came over me a few hours before my last exam at school. I don’t really know how to explain how I’ve been feeling clearly but I can just remember feeling that day wasn’t real. Everything that day just felt like I was walking on air. I was in this bizarre dream. When I began to feel this way, I presumed it was nerves for the exam . But this continued even after the exam was over.
I mean sure , I was happy and excited the summer had started and I was about to have the longest summer of my life. But than it occurred to me as I looked around outside the exam hall whilst people were urgently picking up their phones outside the exam hall, no one looked sad .Everyone was cheering and joking with their friends. Which was fine I guess, but I even surprised myself that there was no overwhelming emotion coming from my part either.
Don’t get me wrong I was happy exams were over, but as we walked out of school for the very last time as a group I thought to myself . “Is that it?”. After all those years of memories and growing up together, the pain and the drama , finding friends and endlessly crying , worrying and laughing about what was to come .
That was it? One final exam of everyone cheering and joking?
I mean to be honest leaving school doesn’t even feel real now.
Prom is in a week and picking up my results isn’t too far behind either , and I still feel like theses moments that won’t exist any time soon.
I still picture myself as this shy year seven telling myself my future was nothing I needed to worry about yet.
But all these things are happening. And they are happening now.
To be fair It’s not like I’ve been necessarily been trying not to think about what miss (that’s probably while iv’e been feeling so weird because I’m trying to suppress the good memories and nostalgia!)
But when someone brings up a certain memorable character from a maths lesson, or a teacher that everyone loves. My heart drops a little.
I’m not sure if anyone knew or realised too much, but in year nine I wanted to get as far away from my school as humanly possible.
But then something changed in year ten.
I made new friends. Good friends. These funny , outrageously lovable characters popped up into my life , and sure not everyday was filled with care and colour but they meant the world to me , and they still do!
After year ten I began to get attached to the classes and the teachers and the school in general. I began to make memories with people that I felt like honestly cared about me.I agree some much with the people who say leaving school or college or uni can be bitter-sweet. And it’s only bitter-sweet because of the people you meet and the experiences you have with them.
It’s not really the boring day in day out stuff you do that your going to remember. But unfortunately the day in day out routine is what puts a lot of people off from liking school.
I won’t deny the fact that school is hard sometimes. If not all the time for some. But what I really want to advise is that you make some memories. PLEASE, don’t spend those five years wishing you were someone else , worrying about what people thought of you and putting yourself under enormous amounts of pressure to get good grades .
Even if it’s one memory.
Just one little tiny significant memory I promise , it will ease the pain that you felt at school. It might even make you think that school wasn’t all that bad! (Maybe?)
And it may even help to forgive people who were not so nice to you.
One thing I learned towards the end was you start to realise why people act the way they do towards you and normally it has nothing to do with you.
And most of all , having that memory doesn’t make you feel like ( apart from getting an education of course) that school was a waste of time.
Nothing is a waste of time if you try your best and (sorry if you don’t like cringe) but it’s also not a waste of time if your you.
What leaving is taught me is to be proud you were different , to have memories and look back on school like it was worth it. And most importantly. life’s too short.
I didn’t believe my teachers when they said at the beginning of year eleven that the year was going to fly by. But it did, and something I regret is wasting time.
Don’t waste that precious time on anything else but you and the people you care about (and your work obvs)
So I guess in an ironic way, I’ve kind of leant more than I did in school over these last few days than I have done in it ( well emotionally speaking anyway)
One thing I said to one of my best friends once whilst we were sitting on the field. I was watching all the cocky year sevens playing football and the guys we were friends with down the bottom of the field jokingly pushing and laughing with each other I wondered what it would be like when they had to leave and then a sentence kept replaying in my head.
I turned to my friend and blurted it out to her and said:
‘I hate how much I love this place’
luckily enough my friends are kind of used to my cringe deep stuff I say occasionally so she didn’t think I was crazy.But its sooo true.
People can be nasty (especially 11-16 year olds) But that’s where you’ll develop and get used to meeting people for the first time after primary school.
You grew up with these annoying , irritable and some what likeable people from time to time for heavens sake!
Don’t ruin those memories you created by bitterness toward those people , your not going to remember the horrible ones! (Or at least you wont want to!)
Make mistakes. be stupid and for the love of cheese cake! MAKE MEMORIES!!!!
The way I’ve been feeling over the last few days must have something to do with missing my school. And that’s only because I miss the happy memories, not the horrific ones.
So I’ll be right back after I pathetically cry on the inside a bit more on how much I’ll miss that hell hole.
Happy memory making! ( I need to stop with the positivity I know, I know!)
From the now very mature and experienced one
some random 16 year old girl xx