I am 16 going on 17

I was looking through some things in my bag for school today , like my old wrappers of snacks (don’t judge me I don’t have enough time to throw them away OKAY?!) and lanyard and it made me feel quite nostalgic.
last week I knew at one point In the half term i would finally start to acknowledge everything.
The drama exam , my birthday, the show at school , the concert in London , the days out ,the exsams.
Everything’s in my brain now, permanently and now there are just memories . The conversations , the things I talked about, how I felt.
I remember it all and I think I’m finally willing to accept I’m older and I’m finally starting to feel 17 . (What ever the hell that’s supposed to feel like).
But I don’t Know if it’s just me but there’s a certain feel I get with each age and the feel is very different from the last.
15 was kind of what I like to call the warms and fuzzies , everything felt hot but seen through a baby’s eyes . In a nut shell I was naive but in a beautiful way. 16 was more heated but cooler I Knew how to deal with my hopeless naivety and managed to ignore it. I felt a lot of suppressed anger and feeling inferior but mostly just gaining my own wits. 17 feels like I’ve over stepped most of my naivety I’m more opinionated , educated and definitely much more self aware and dare I say more mature?
Maybe it’s because of sixth form ( why does everything relate back to Margaret thatcher at a level may I ask or Marxism or feminism or the bloody Russian revolution, maybe that last ones just me?)
Any way that’s another topic although I’m leaving when I saw my bag and lanyard my heart and mind dropped just as it did at the end of year eleven but it was a lighter bump or pain , perhaps it’s because this time I Know there’s more sweet than bitter to this decision
In some weird , back wards way I know Ill miss my school
I know for some reason I’ll always miss that place and I’ll never Know why
But the feeling this time is not enough to make me stay
Sorry for the ramble
What do I even call this?
Somerandom17 … Okay no no no I’m still not ready


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