too tempting to post. too pointless to try

 

BLAH . I feel absolutely gross. I have this massive lump in my throat from a lot of supressed feeling this week, metaphorically and physically. I’ve had too many encounters with rude people to the point where I actually have lost my faith a little bit in people. This week has been just full of angry people. And as the week goes on this doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Unfortunately for now there’s no escaping this feeling other than reminding myself that there probably going through pain themselves or things have been misunderstandings or people are just horrible and some people won’t like you no matter what you do to please them. But I just cant put up with it this week. The closer to the end school gets the more I’m losing my patience with everyone. Because every day I build a stronger opinion that simply says ‘I deserve better’. However blaming this feeling all on the school would be unfair. My friends are being particularly testing at the moment. Again I think this is just down to the fact I’m not the person I used to be and hanging around them does not entertain or benefit me. The most scarier factor about this is that I just simply don’t respect them as people anymore because in one way or another they’ve broken my trust but have done it in such vile , horrendous and disrespectful ways I don’t think I can ever forgive them , and as time goes on I grow to resent their nastiness and ignorance toward other people’s feelings. I have just simply decided I deserve better, but to be honest I figured this out a while back. I’ve just been trying to ride it out avoiding the arguments not matter how hard they push me. I want to come out of that school without killing them even if it means wrapping my hands with bubble wrap and putting me in a strait jacket. I will not give my ‘friends’ that upper hand of knowing they got to me. I refuse to live in this pain.

 

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