Feeling a little blue in Jan 

And there’s me thinking December was bad Oh boy 

I hadn’t met January 

See December was semi okay because for most of it i was just kinda dealing with  family issues , financial issues, my job not paying me correctly and being sick with three different illnesses for the whole month including being sick on Christmas . (Try having a freezing cold bath whilst having a cold ,not fun.)

But at least socially I was alright and education wise I was enjoying myself

But my god did I learn when those two foundations began to form cracks how it hurt SO much more than the whole of December put together 

The way I can describe January is exactly what people call it. The blues 

I have just felt so overwhelmed and just really quite sad over the past month and I know my two main reasonings were the two things that keep me together 

1)doing what I love and 2)being around the people I love.

Doing what I love was jeopardised when I had to break through a habit in my voice, everyday I would practice and it felt like I was getting no where and on top of that I wasn’t exactly getting the support I needed to continue working hard on it .But ,nether the less I did and I finally made a break through although you won’t believe how many times I contemplated giving up 
Problem dos had a lot to do with boredom and a distant friend. We are usually very on top of things and updated but for some reason through no ones fault we have lost a little bit of our closeness and parts of me that month really really needed that but because of people being busy , and friends birthdays and shows and just life really the weekly catch ups haven’t really happened. It’s a silly thing to get upset about but I didn’t know how much I needed that in my life to feel happy. 
Problem three is different to everything entirely , it’s the thing that all student dread . Deadlines. Work is catching up on me , assessments aren’t far behind and I still haven’t made decisions for things I really should of decided on by now a lot of this has to do with that habit that I had to break. 
Mentally this month has been incredibly challenging , and I’m not entirely sure how I’m getting through it when my two main support systems are not currently where I want them to be. Another theory I have about my sadness is that the more I give into my sadness the harder it will become to control but apart of me is saying “just let yourself feel it for once” I hope this changes . I’m always hoping things will get better ,and most of the time they do. 

So roll on February I guess…

Oh no ,wait there’s Valentine’s Day in February isn’t there? 

Fucking hell let’s skip to march 

But I suppose feeling a tiny bit blue in January is normal.

Singing off as just currently a very confused 17 teen year old 

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