The 18 months have left us and they are no more. It’s crazy to think I saw that era as a learning curve . Now more than ever I see this era is going to be even bigger for me. And this is going to sound weird , but I can see it even with the way I feel about my phone. Bare with me here.
See my phone has been in the last 18 months a point of call , a source of power , a weapon and a thing I dreaded to pick . But I can safely say for the first time , in a long time I feel at peace with it. I don’t feel scared to pick it up. There’s no one to answer to , there’s no one to apologise to when I’ve been away for a while and it now holds no disappointment.
Yes I know to a certain extent this has more to do with the people in my life than my phone. But I suppose my phone is what connects all my relationships together and just by looking at the way I communicate with each person says a lot about our relationship. However there is something that I hope stays consistent with my time with this phone and that is what I’m writing in right now , my notes.
My notes I can honestly say is the only place on my phone I have never felt threatened of. I guess you could argue that it’s because I’m the only person that controls this. But I think it has more to do with the fact it’s not connected to the internet. There’s no temptation to punish myself . All I have to do is write and that is so very very comforting.
Any way back to the era side of this entry. I always thought I was done with prioritising people who never put me first. But I guess I was wrong, very wrong actually. I spoke confidently that I’d never do it again. But so far I have . Over and over again . With the same person. But that is over with now. I’m dealing with it , everything’s looking good and I finally feel like myself again which I can’t express enough how freeing that feels. I think this era if I can predict anything for now , is sooo much about moving on and looking after myself again.
And I honestly can’t wait
Some random 18 year old girl